A Cry in the Dark

Friday, November 09, 2007

looking at my insecurities….

It feels like this week has flown by. I’ve been so busy at work and have spent almost every evening out with someone. Yes, the work “stuff” is getting done, which is good news. And I’ve enjoyed spending time out with J and getting to know him better. It’s been interesting, because we do talk about pieces of our personal lives at work. Having some time outside of work has deepened that friendship in such a wonderful way….

We were talking about our relationships the other night. The whole topic came up because there is still a question out there about me moving to Chicago. While we were talking, some of my insecurities came up again. Instead of just ignoring them or not saying anything, I spilled the beans. This strange feeling came over me when I did that. It was like I was talking about those fears, but didn’t feel them so deeply. After a few minutes, it dawned on me why that was happening. The fears are real, but there is no foundation for them. I said something to that effect to J and he started laughing. It was obvious to him and he started teasing me about it.

Very early in our relationship, Sir told me that holding on to my insecurities would eventually kill anything we could have together. I realized just what He meant by that statement the other night. If I insist on worrying about things because of my fears, I will bring a negative stress into our lives. In fact, I have to acknowledge that I have been doing that without realizing it.

I apologize, Sir, for stressing about that conversation I will eventually have with my boss. Instead of worrying about when it will happen and what the outcome will be, I have confidence that You will be there to face it with me. You have shown Your love for me in so many ways. How could I ever doubt it?

I won’t be moving to Chicago. While I knew that months ago, I’m so very, very comfortable with everything that statement means. Thank you, J, for helping me work that out….

Posted by WistfulWench :: 7:01 AM :: 2 comments