A Cry in the Dark

Friday, August 31, 2007

a quick tip for you....

Wearing baggie tie wraps on your nipples while going out for dinner will lead to wet panties.

Just thought I’d let you know!


Posted by WistfulWench :: 7:01 AM :: 0 comments

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an image for Paul....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 6:57 AM :: 4 comments

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Thursday, August 30, 2007


I originally posted a question on my ALT blog asking about rituals. Strangely enough, I have kind of fallen into one without realizing it.

Every day, my collar gets polished before I put it back on. I lovingly rub the cloth over every bit of it, paying special attention to the areas where the mountings sit. Once it is again pristine, I clasp it around my neck.

It is a daily affirmation that I am His. I know who I belong to. It reminds me that I am claimed, wanted, and loved.

It is a ritual I adore....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 4:05 PM :: 2 comments

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Wednesday, August 29, 2007

special little nickname....

He has given me a special little nickname. Not too long after we started seeing each other, He had a special tag made up and had this nickname engraved on it.

I love to hear it from His lips. It gives me such a marvelous little tingle in my stomach. I feel so special when He uses it....

Do you have a nickname? Does it give you that fluttery, tingly feeling when it’s used?

Posted by WistfulWench :: 10:10 AM :: 4 comments

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Tuesday, August 28, 2007

lost in translation.....

I have a warning for anyone who uses Yahoo for voice chat. There is an issue with the transmission process. I was talking to Sir recently and said, “Yahoo!” Somehow, what He heard was, “I am being a precocious little subbie and am in dire need of a hard spanking.”

I’m still wondering how that happened....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 2:45 PM :: 4 comments

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Monday, August 27, 2007

yes, young lady.... fantasy can become reality....

I had originally posted a question in December, 2005, on my other blog. It’s strange, because this particular thought has continued to come to mind on a regular basis. It’s been a fantasy for longer than I can remember....

can fantasy become reality?

I’ve had this one fantasy for years. Well, actually it’s multiple fantasies, but they are all variations on the same activity. It’s not like I haven’t tried it out with a couple of past lovers, but it was never quite the experience I thought it would be. I just KNOW it can be better, more fulfilling in some manner, than the actuality was for me.

This particular activity isn’t one that’s outrageous. It’s not even one that most people would consider taboo. (At least, I don’t think most would consider it taboo!) I want it, but I don’t want it. I truly, in my heart of hearts, want it. Badly. But it’s never been what I imagine, so I’m not certain I really want it, or if I want what my fantasy tells me it can be.

Can a fantasy become a reality?

I have recently learned that YES! A fantasy can become reality. The reality can be so much better than the dreams and thoughts ever were.... Now that I’ve experienced it, I want it again and again and again and again!

(Thank goodness He’s told me I should expect it regularly!)


Posted by WistfulWench :: 3:18 PM :: 3 comments

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Saturday, August 25, 2007

thinking of mangoes....

I have found the most WONDERFUL mango margarita mix recently. Every single time I have one, I think of the erotic posting MyInnocence did on the delicious sensuality of this fruit....

I think of you, sweetie, every time I have one....

May life be treating you well....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 7:26 PM :: 0 comments

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Friday, August 24, 2007

my optimism has taken a vacation....

I didn’t get the news I wanted to hear yesterday. It was my fervent hope that the doctor would tell me that all my pain was due to severe muscle spasms and that life would go back to normal.


What I heard, instead, is that he fears my current herniated disc has either gotten worse, herniated out the other side, or that I have herniated another disc. I’m now caught in the limbo of waiting for my insurance to authorize an MRI so we can see what the “good” news is....

I’m going to blame part of my depression on the drugs. It’s been such a struggle to stay positive over the past couple of days. It seems as though my normal optimistic outlook has taken a vacation. I cried while talking to my parents yesterday and again when talking with Him last night. (This crying at the drop of a hat has just GOT to stop! I hate it!)

Travel restrictions are still in place, so I’m not going to Chicago this week. My apartment is a mess and I have no energy or ambition to do anything about it. Everything is a struggle. This is not like me! I just wish it would stop....

Last night, I got a lecture. Well, He said it wasn’t a lecture, but I feel it was. (Not that I didn’t require it, mind you!) It’s so hard for me to feel as though I’m servicing Him when I’m incapable of doing the things I want to. When He has to go to work, I want to make His coffee and lunch. If He’s coming here for the weekend, I want to have a clean home for Him and a wonderful dinner ready. Those are things that are important to ME. It’s part of how I show Him how much I appreciate Him, love Him, care for Him. I feel as though I’m somehow a failure by not being capable of doing these things.

This is a far cry from His expectations. How do I let go of what I need and embrace what He needs? I have fretted all week about not getting things done and not being ready for Him this weekend. And I know it’s not helping my depression one little bit. (Again, I know the drugs also don’t help here. Fortunately I’m off the Valium and Percocet. Maybe that will make it a bit easier?)

I’m not a good patient. Never have been. It’s so hard for me to NOT take care of everyone else and to let anyone take care of me. Can anyone please, please, PLEASE give me advice on how to handle this better?

Posted by WistfulWench :: 2:45 PM :: 6 comments

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Sunday, August 19, 2007

drugs are good....

Well, this weekend turned out quite differently than I could have imagined.

Friday began beautifully. Sir arrived and gifted his good girl in the MOST fantabulous way! :D He wanted to take me out for dinner, so I dressed to please Him and off we went. My favorite sushi restaurant, green tea martinis, and birthday cheesecake.... Marvelous! (Yes, I am His spoiled princess!)

Late Friday night, I went onto the computer for a bit. When it was late enough I knew I needed to get to bed, I shut everything down. As I stood up, an excruciating pain shot down my right hip and leg. It took every ounce of strength I had to keep from screaming!

Saturday morning, it was no better. It was a struggle to even walk. So, figuring I had better do something about it, I went to the emergency room. A little over six hours later, with many wonderful drug injections, I floated out the door. A quick stop by the pharmacy to fill prescriptions and then home.

The kicker to this weekend is that I was supposed to go to Chicago today. There is an important class I'm supposed to take tomorrow. Instead, I have to get an emergency appointment with an orthopedic surgeon. I have no idea what the treatment will be this time. My hope is that I can get by with another epidural rather than surgery. Either way, if I weren't drugged to the max, I'd be petrified. (OK. I AM petrified. The valium and percocet have me so fuzzy that I can't go into full-blown panic mode.)

I could use some prayers and healing wishes right now. The timing is awful. I know I can't take care of this and perform my job at the same time. Sir and my boss have both given me instructions on what is to come first (my health) but I am still agitated over the whole situation.

Drugs are good.... If it weren't for them, I think I'd have done nothing but cry all weekend....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 5:58 PM :: 4 comments

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Friday, August 17, 2007

yay for friday!!!!!

I know I’ve posted before about how much I love Friday. I get to work from home rather than fighting traffic over the Tappan Zee Bridge. I get to do laundry and all kinds of fun “home” stuff rather than killing my weekend with it. And, most importantly, I get to spend time with HIM!

Anticipation usually makes the day fly. There’s so much to get done before I see Him that I’m whizzing around the apartment like a maniac. Today, though, the time is crawling by....

Last night, I received instructions. I have preparation to do before He comes over. The knowledge of what is to come has had me on edge since I woke this morning. The ache I normally feel borders on painful. It’s an exquisite sensation....

God! How I love Friday!

Posted by WistfulWench :: 10:26 AM :: 6 comments

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Thursday, August 16, 2007

it’s different....

He and I have talked about the things I’ve been blogging about. In a recent conversation, He said that it’s different to read about it than to talk about it.

I have to agree. It’s different when I write about it. A single posting could be a compilation of days, weeks, or months of conversations. How do I find the one word or phrase that summarizes all the emotions? Why can’t I gather my thoughts into a comprehensive posting?

So much has been happening. It’s good, but I feel like my mind is more scattered than it’s been for years. Old feelings roiling up and insisting on being dealt with. Fears I thought were put to rest rising up again. Anticipation that can be almost be painful. It’s as though layer after layer of who I am is being slowly peeled away, exposing the root that is me.

I try, so hard, to leave the past behind me when I am with Him. Fortunately, He is understanding and supportive. This is a NEW relationship. Tainting it with the past will doom it to failure....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 4:48 PM :: 2 comments

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Wednesday, August 15, 2007

which is worse?

I was chatting with a friend recently and we got to talking about sadism and masochism. I pointed out that it doesn’t have to be physical and all about the pain. In fact, it can be about emotions.

That got me to thinking....

Which is worse? Physical masochism or emotional masochism? Both can leave someone in serious pain or injured for life. Either one can leave the masochist incapable of fully living.

Which do you think is worse and why?

Posted by WistfulWench :: 4:39 PM :: 6 comments

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Tuesday, August 14, 2007

standing on the precipice.....

I stand alone in total darkness, hearing the call of the abyss. The whispers in my ear seduce me into inching closer and closer to the edge. Fear of the unknown holds me back, causing my knees to tremble.

What happens if His arms aren't strong enough to hold me?

What happens if His interest wanes?

What happens if I disappoint Him?

What happens if I am just not enough?

My fears slither around me, wrapping tighter and tighter. Flailing, choking, my attention is captured by the sibilant sounds reaching towards me.

Trust me.

Have faith.

Let it go.


His encouragement gives me the strength to slip the clutches of fear. I release my breath and let myself fall....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 2:52 PM :: 2 comments

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