A Cry in the Dark

Monday, September 24, 2007

tap, tap, tap....

He has a way of finding my buttons and then tapping on them. During a conversation, He will find something I’m uncomfortable with and just “tap” on it. We’ll talk about it for just a moment or two, then He changes the subject.

Some time later, maybe a week, maybe three, He’ll tap on that button again. It’s always the same. A quick tap, talk for just a bit about it, then move on.

I’m finding that the tap, tap, tap on those topics is having an unexpected effect. Something He had touched on several months ago is now beginning to intrigue me. It’s surprising, as it was always something I had thought I could never be interested in.

When I asked Him about the method He was using, He just smiled. *grumble* I have to admit that I love the way He puts these thoughts into my mind and then removes the initial visceral reactions. They become topics I can begin to consider rather than just shuddering from the thought and hastily discarding it from my mind.

Of course, you know me! I can’t be happy with just accepting that He’s found a way to get me to truly consider these topics. I have to understand WHY this is working. Is it because He’s not pushing the thoughts down my throat? Is it the way He just lightly touches on the topic then moves away from it? Could it be the fact that He’s getting me to think of these things in a different light with no pressure?

Following on those questions are others. Is this maybe a way for me to overcome some of the things I fear? Would this tapping work to help me deal with edge play? Could it be that being exposed to it more would remove that anxiety I always feel?

I admit that I’m not completely comfortable with some of the thoughts I’m having. But there are some things that are beginning to have an appeal. Things I had always shied away from. Certain activities begin to pop into my mind and I have begun to WANT those experiences.

I have begun to look forward to that tap, tap, tap into my mind....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 9:23 AM :: 3 comments