A Cry in the Dark

Tuesday, October 03, 2006

is change required for a successful relationship?

This is something that’s flitted around in my mind for quite a while. I’ve tried to put it to words more than once, but have never done it well enough to be comfortable posting it. Hopefully, this try will work!

Do you feel as though you are somehow molded by your role in relationship? If you are submissive, do you feel that you change in order to please her/him? If you are Dominant, do you look for your submissive to change?

I’m not really talking about changes that aren’t welcome or something that is in any way detrimental. It’s those habitual actions that creep in or the way you go through your day that I’m questioning. I’ve said before that there are activities He has required. These are positive changes, I admit. Exercising, eating better, getting enough sleep and not allowing work to rule my life are all things that are to my betterment. I’ve also noticed that there are other changes that have crept into my life. While I do still have emotional swings, they aren’t as bad or as long as they used to be. When I’m upset, I’m required to tell him about it and then follow his instructions on dealing with it. Yes, I know! That doesn’t sound like a very big thing, but it is for me. I’ve always had to hide many of my emotions. They would fester and simmer inside until I would literally explode. Unfortunately, for me exploding is usually breaking down in tears and becoming very angry. Not the best way to handle things, I admit! While I still have a difficult time being comfortable with telling him everything, it is getting a bit easier the longer we are together.

I don’t really think it’s just me who does this. I’ve noticed that I do have a tendency to change certain aspects of my life to mirror the wants and needs of the person I am with. The core essence of who I am has never wavered, but it was easy to modify routines or direction based on what the “he” at the time wanted. (OK. Easy is used VERY loosely in the previous sentence!)

There is a part of me that believes this is just part of what makes a relationship successful. Another part is afraid that I am too biddable at times. Yet another inner voice tells me that this is who I am, how I am meant to be, and what I need to be. So, I’m going to step out onto that limb and ask: is change required for a successful relationship?

Posted by WistfulWench :: 5:43 PM :: 8 comments