A Cry in the Dark

Friday, August 25, 2006

is it attitude or appearance?

Always put your best foot forward.

You should always do your best to look your best.

I have no argument with either statement. I do have questions, though, when I hear them or think about them. Who determines what is best? Is it others? Or is it yourself?

There is a part of me that wants to say that looking good is mostly attitude. (You know.... That whole “you feel good, you look good” thing....) I’ve heard that “you look great” comment when I’ve been wearing sweats, had on no make-up, but felt really good. Good about myself and good about life. Does that mean it’s attitude that generates the best foot forward?

I have one dress that always brings me compliments when I wear it. But I have worn it and not felt that I looked my best. Who is right? Is it really my appearance, rather than my personal feelings, that determine how I look that day?

What I’m going through right now isn’t uncommon, from what I’ve read. Many women who have lost a lot of weight struggle with self-image issues. I know that is what is happening, but I feel as though I’m floundering badly. I’ve always dressed for comfort with little concern about being found attractive. Oh, it was important to look “nice”, but attractive was beyond me. Of course, a couple of recent conversations are not helping, either....

He made a comment to me recently about the need to buy some new clothes. I admit that most of my clothes fit very badly right now. They are too loose and baggy to look good. Some clothes are so large, they don’t look nice at all. (Yes, I’ve tried to quit wearing those!) Then, while talking to a co-worker who has also lost a lot of weight lately, I am told that I’ve always dressed well. She thinks I always looked smart and professional and emphasized my good points. When I jokingly said something about my clothes hanging too much, she laughed. “Yes, it’s obvious you’ve lost weight, but you never look sloppy.”

The thought of buying new clothes throws me into a panic. I don’t have a clue what size I wear any more. What looks good on me? What is attractive? To make it worse, I haven’t reached my goal, yet. I don’t want to spend much at all on clothes I’m going to have to replace in a few months. That creates an internal struggle about even buying ANYTHING at this time. Or, if I’m going to force myself to shop, then why not something that has elastic or is a bit loose so I can still wear it later? Then that whole looking attractive versus looking neat thing comes back into play....

I know there isn’t some magic answer out there. (I wish there was!) Yes, there is some fear about moving towards my goal. I know “who” I am right now. I don’t know “who” that person I’m trying to become is. “That” person has never existed, so there is anxiety about how she will present herself to the world. Admittedly, there is also some excitement about getting to know “her”. She can be whoever she WANTS to be. Since she has never existed, the slate is blank. Maybe cropped tops and short skirts are a viable clothing option for her.

Then again.... Maybe not!

Posted by WistfulWench :: 4:27 AM :: 8 comments