A Cry in the Dark

Saturday, April 08, 2006

lacking faith?

It’s so strange how the same topic can come up in multiple conversations.  Today, more than once, the subject was my relationship.  They were good discussions, but it did make me realize that I don’t always talk about the more difficult portions.  For some reason, I just feel that the things we struggle through are too private, too personal to be shared.

It’s so easy to write a posting to share my joy in belonging to him.  Why is it so much more difficult to tell anyone how hard we’ve worked to get where we are?  I’m not ashamed of it.  Actually, I’m very proud that we both have made this commitment and have put so much effort into making it work.  Does it somehow demean what we have to describe those details?  Would it help others if I were to share more of them?

Some things are just so hard to put into words that are cohesive.  My thoughts during these difficult times tend to be very disjointed.  The concepts I struggle the most with require several discussions, most of the time, before I can assimilate them and incorporate them into my own thinking.  It’s not a lack of love.  It’s not a lack of trust.  I think it’s more like a lack of faith, either in him or in myself.  The only thing that seems to help that is time.  Time to get used to the idea.  Time to get comfortable with it.  Time to visit it again and again, until any resistance is smoothed away.

Maybe writing about some of these difficulties would help me struggle less.  I don’t know.  But it is something to think about....

Posted by WistfulWench :: 11:02 PM :: 5 comments